Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
