party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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