lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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