you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
