Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
