hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize