WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
