i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
