If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
