Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
