You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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