Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
