I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
