her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
