my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
