So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
