We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
