My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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