so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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