omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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