I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
