ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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