Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
