at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
