time to smoke my breakfast
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
