I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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