New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
