just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so let's talk penis.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
