just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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