You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
