The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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