My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
