Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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