remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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