Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
