She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
