After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So squirting runs in the family.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
