also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
