I wish you could order shots online.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
