Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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