Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
