i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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