:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
