You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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