loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
