I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
