Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
