I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
