I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
