If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
