I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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