btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
