Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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