i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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