We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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