jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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