if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize