Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
