Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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