Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
