It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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