that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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