dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
