I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
