my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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