I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My vagina just recognized that song.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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