He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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