Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize