You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
