all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
