WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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