His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
