Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
