ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize