its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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