my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
