I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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