I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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