Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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